Going to the chapel

For the last few years the Office for National Statistics has reported that marriage rates are at their lowest since records began.
Last year it was reported that, for the first time ever, fewer than two in 100 women over the age of 16 got married in a single year.
The rising cost of weddings and cultural changes, such as women working and wanting to get married later, or not at all, have all contributed to the decline in marriage.
With these statistics in mind, this week I'm exploring the reasons why women do or don't get married, and looking for women with stories to illustrate the arguments for and against.
Perhaps you went through with your wedding only to regret it afterwards. Or did family and/or friends try to talk you out of it? id you overcome all the odds to get married and was it the happiest day of your life - or did you break up on honeymoon and vow never to marry again? Or maybe you came close to marriage and decided against it at the very last minute.
Whatever your story, I want to hear it, so please get in touch. Email alice@medavia.co.uk

Surrogacy

Surrogacy has been in the news again since Elton John and David Furnish’s son Zachary was born to a surrogate mum on Christmas Day. Since then we’ve had a few requests from magazines looking for surrogates, or parents who have had children through surrogacy.

It’s a topic that really interests me. I worked with a young woman last year who decided to become a surrogate after watching a documentary about women trying to conceive – she was so moved by their plight she wanted to do something to help.

And I was fascinated by the C4 documentary My Weird and Wonderful Family which aired last year and featured Tony and Barrie Drewitt-Barlow and their family. The couple broke new ground when their eldest twins were born to a surrogate in America ten years ago and it was really moving watching their journey as they tried for more babies.

Now the couple are opening a surrogacy centre in Britain to help other hopeful parents through the process.

The issue of surrogacy, whether for gay or straight parents, will no doubt continue to cause debate. But watching the documentary on the Drewitt-Barlow’s it was clear that the couple had created a happy, stable family life for their children. And that, after all, is the most important thing of all.

Friends with no strings attached benefits

“Friends with benefits” seems to be a popular theme in Hollywood this year. Two films are due to be released in the next month or so, both exploring the idea of no-strings attached sex with a friend. Rather unimaginatively, one, starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, is called Friends With Benefits, while the other, starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher, is called No Strings Attached. See what they did there?

So, do these kinds of set-ups ever work? In my experience, no. It’s a situation that’s inevitably fraught with all kinds of complications and one, if not both parties, almost always ends up desperately hurt. The trouble is that the guy is usually genuinely delighted with the arrangement while the girl pretends she’s all fine and dandy and laidback about it but secretly hopes he’ll fall madly in love with her. Which never happens.  Except maybe in a Hollywood film.

New Year resolutions

So, we’re all back at work. Christmas seems like a distant memory and we’re full of good intentions for the New Year. As it’s already January 4^th it’s more than likely many of you have already made and broken your resolutions by now. Which is why this year I decided not to make any at all. But I was interested to see what other people have resolved to do. I found a poll online of the most popular resolutions.

1. Lose weight
2. Be happy
3. Save money
4. Fall in love
5. Get a job
6. Read more
7. Eat, drink, try or learn something new
8. Quit Smoking
9. Take a photo every day for a year
10. Run a marathon

Lots of these seem guaranteed to make you feel like a failure. Unfortunately it’s not as simple as waking up one morning and telling yourself that today you’re going to fall in love. If only it were.
With unrealistic goals like this, it’s no great surprise that, by the second week of the year, many people find themselves at the bottom of a bottle of wine, shoving chocolates in their mouth in between puffs of their cigarette while bemoaning their single status (I’m not judging, I’ve been there).
So I want to hear about people who have made unusual resolutions – ones they can keep and that will genuinely make themselves, or other people, happier, healthier and wiser.

Snooping around

When I was at university I accidentally found out what my boyfriend of the time’s hotmail password was. It really was an accident, I promise, but once I had that information I couldn’t resist using it. Just this once, I told myself, as I logged into his account. Just a quick look and that’s it. I found and read an email from his ex-girlfriend. It’d been sent before I came on the scene and I quickly decided she sounded like a cow and was no threat to me. The rest were Facebook alerts and orders from Amazon. Nothing incriminating at all.

Despite that, a few days later I just couldn’t resist taking another peek. Again, just the normal funny pictures forwarded by friends and round-robin jokes. I never once found anything that gave me any cause for concern. And yet I kept on checking. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, I just became kind of addicted. It was almost as though I WANTED to find something.

He never found out but I know he’d have been horrified if he knew what I was up to. And I began to scare myself with my obsessive behaviour. When the relationship ended I promised myself I wouldn’t get into that cycle again. And I have been pretty good since. Sure, I still get the odd twinge of paranoia and when my now-boyfriend leaves his phone lying around my fingers sometimes start itching with the temptation to scroll through his messages. But I resist. I know of at least once relationship where major misunderstandings have arisen after one party looked through the other’s phone and found something they didn’t like the look of.

Having said that, I’ve also heard of several cheats being caught out by their mobile phone/Facebook/email accounts and I can blithely say that I don’t need to check up on my boyfriend because I don’t doubt his loyalty for a second. I’m sure if I suspected any infidelity I’d put my Miss Marple hat on and be on it in a shot.

So to snoop or not to snoop – what do you think? If he’s got nothing to hide do you think it’s fine to check up every now and again, or is it crossing a line that should be respected?

Christmas countdown

It’s been a rather strange week at work because everybody seems to have been off sick. For a couple of days there were just four of us in  - half of the usual workforce. To keep up the spirits of us brave few left behind our lovely editor bought us each a Terry’s Chocolate Orange – her reasoning was that they must have a bit of vitamin C in them somewhere to keep us healthy. We all ate too much at once and felt sick, but they did help cheer us up.

I think everyone could do with a break so we’ve all got our eye on the countdown to Christmas. It’s our Christmas party next week where we will all, of course, be exceptionally well behaved and drink just one glass of sherry before getting home for an early night. I will NOT be falling over on the ice and ending up in A&E with a broken wrist at 3am, as I did after the Christmas party last year. I had to sport a fetching red cast over the Christmas and New Year period – the only good thing about it was I got out of doing any washing up.

So yes, this year I will be sensible and well-behaved. But I know lots of people out there won’t be....So if you get up to any fun and mischief at your Christmas parties I want to hear about it!

Court support

My colleague Vicky battled through the snow earlier this week to visit a woman involved in a major court case.

Part of what we do involves working with people who have been affected by serious crime. When something like this happens it can leave those affected reeling with shock. Not only do they have to deal with the aftermath of the crime itself and its effect on them and their family, but often they are then faced with lengthy legal proceedings as the case goes to court. If it’s a high profile case they will probably also be hounded by the press, looking for comments and interviews.

We offer support during this very difficult time by stepping in to act as a buffer between the family and the press. We deal with all enquiries while the case is ongoing and, once it’s concluded, we’re there to advise the family on their options if they wish to speak publicly about what has happened.

Many people do want to speak out – to raise awareness and inspire others who have been through similarly awful experiences, and it’s really rewarding when you can help people tell their story in their own words.