Snooping around

When I was at university I accidentally found out what my boyfriend of the time’s hotmail password was. It really was an accident, I promise, but once I had that information I couldn’t resist using it. Just this once, I told myself, as I logged into his account. Just a quick look and that’s it. I found and read an email from his ex-girlfriend. It’d been sent before I came on the scene and I quickly decided she sounded like a cow and was no threat to me. The rest were Facebook alerts and orders from Amazon. Nothing incriminating at all.

Despite that, a few days later I just couldn’t resist taking another peek. Again, just the normal funny pictures forwarded by friends and round-robin jokes. I never once found anything that gave me any cause for concern. And yet I kept on checking. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, I just became kind of addicted. It was almost as though I WANTED to find something.

He never found out but I know he’d have been horrified if he knew what I was up to. And I began to scare myself with my obsessive behaviour. When the relationship ended I promised myself I wouldn’t get into that cycle again. And I have been pretty good since. Sure, I still get the odd twinge of paranoia and when my now-boyfriend leaves his phone lying around my fingers sometimes start itching with the temptation to scroll through his messages. But I resist. I know of at least once relationship where major misunderstandings have arisen after one party looked through the other’s phone and found something they didn’t like the look of.

Having said that, I’ve also heard of several cheats being caught out by their mobile phone/Facebook/email accounts and I can blithely say that I don’t need to check up on my boyfriend because I don’t doubt his loyalty for a second. I’m sure if I suspected any infidelity I’d put my Miss Marple hat on and be on it in a shot.

So to snoop or not to snoop – what do you think? If he’s got nothing to hide do you think it’s fine to check up every now and again, or is it crossing a line that should be respected?

Christmas countdown

It’s been a rather strange week at work because everybody seems to have been off sick. For a couple of days there were just four of us in  - half of the usual workforce. To keep up the spirits of us brave few left behind our lovely editor bought us each a Terry’s Chocolate Orange – her reasoning was that they must have a bit of vitamin C in them somewhere to keep us healthy. We all ate too much at once and felt sick, but they did help cheer us up.

I think everyone could do with a break so we’ve all got our eye on the countdown to Christmas. It’s our Christmas party next week where we will all, of course, be exceptionally well behaved and drink just one glass of sherry before getting home for an early night. I will NOT be falling over on the ice and ending up in A&E with a broken wrist at 3am, as I did after the Christmas party last year. I had to sport a fetching red cast over the Christmas and New Year period – the only good thing about it was I got out of doing any washing up.

So yes, this year I will be sensible and well-behaved. But I know lots of people out there won’t be....So if you get up to any fun and mischief at your Christmas parties I want to hear about it!

Court support

My colleague Vicky battled through the snow earlier this week to visit a woman involved in a major court case.

Part of what we do involves working with people who have been affected by serious crime. When something like this happens it can leave those affected reeling with shock. Not only do they have to deal with the aftermath of the crime itself and its effect on them and their family, but often they are then faced with lengthy legal proceedings as the case goes to court. If it’s a high profile case they will probably also be hounded by the press, looking for comments and interviews.

We offer support during this very difficult time by stepping in to act as a buffer between the family and the press. We deal with all enquiries while the case is ongoing and, once it’s concluded, we’re there to advise the family on their options if they wish to speak publicly about what has happened.

Many people do want to speak out – to raise awareness and inspire others who have been through similarly awful experiences, and it’s really rewarding when you can help people tell their story in their own words.  

What makes a good story?

To continue the theme from my last blog post, another frequently asked question is “what kind of stories are you looking for?”

Usually, my response is “anything!”, which probably doesn’t seem very helpful. But the truth is it’s very difficult to know what kind of story a client may have, or how it may work, until I’ve discussed all the possibilities and explored all the angles available.

It’s great when a client comes to me with a very firm idea of what their story is, but it’s also good when someone approaches me with a variety of ideas which we can talk over together.

Having said that, there are a few themes which are always popular and I find these are a good starting point to get people thinking about stories they may have.

Here they are:

Crime: Have you been the victim of a shocking crime? Or do you know someone who has? Did your husband/ partner commit the ultimate sin? Have you been held up at gun point? Violently attacked or conned out of all your possessions? Was a loved one tragically murdered? Have you been the victim of knife crime?

Romance: Did you meet your partner in strange circumstances? Did you meet after a long absence? Is your partner a lot older or younger than you? Did your partner shock you with something unexpected on your anniversary? Is there another unusual twist to your relationship?

Betrayal: Has your partner betrayed you? Perhaps with a close friend? Did you plot to catch him out? Have you sought revenge from a love-rat? Did you or your partner/ husband stray? Did you somehow manage to forgive each other and now you are more in love than ever? Did you end up marrying your partner’s brother? Or did your sister steal your man? Are you still friends or has it divided your family?

Health: Have you or a family member suffered from an unusual illness or condition? Have you given birth despite the odds against you? Are you addicted to plastic surgery? Have you had a dramatic operation which has transformed your body and your life? Was it a disaster – or the best thing that’s ever happened to you? Do you have a fear or phobia of something irrational?

Weight: Have you been anorexic/bulimic? Are you overweight? Have you shed pounds? Has your eating disorder led you to find love? Did your partner try to control you with food? Did he realise how controlling he was? Did you work things out or did you leave him?

Holidays: Have you had a holiday romance? Did it lead to marriage? Have you had a holiday disaster?

Weddings: Have you had an unusual wedding? Did you marry against the odds? Were you left at the altar? Or did you leave him on the big day? Was your wedding/ honeymoon a nightmare? Did something happen on your Hen that changed your life forever? Or did he overstep the mark at his Stag?

Crazy world: Of course, your story could be just simply strange! Maybe a pet that saved your life, or a strange fetish or fascination.

FAQs

The questions I get asked most frequently when talking over stories with clients are: “Will I have to be pictured?” and “Do you have to use my real name?” And the answer to both of these questions is yes.

That often seems to surprise people, but with real life features it’s essential that readers can really connect with the person telling the story.

When you start changing people’s names and blanking their faces out, or using models instead of real pictures, it distances the reader from the story.

I know that when I’m reading a magazine I always want to know what the people behind the story look like, how old they are, where they work, who their friends are... all the little details that help you build up a picture of what they’re really like.

Of course, some people aren’t keen on their names appearing in the national media, while others just don’t like having their pictures taken. Which is why we always make sure we talk over the process very carefully before we get to the stage of pitching ideas to editors.

There’s never any obligation to go ahead if the client decides it’s not for them, but I find most feel reassured when they know they will have the final article read back to them before it’s published, so they know exactly what’s going in. And they often get a professional photo-shoot with the magazine, so there’s no need to worry about unflattering photos!

And I never mind people asking lots of questions – in fact I welcome it. It means that they’re thinking everything through very carefully. Then I know, when I’ve answered all the questions, we’ll get the best possible feature from everyone’s point of view.

Here comes the bride

Magazines always love unusual stories with anything to do about brides, weddings, hen nights... So when Katie got in touch some time ago and told me how she'd had a massive row with her bridesmaids on her hen night and sacked ALL of them just weeks before the wedding, I knew we could get her a deal. Now magazine loved her story about the blazing argument and how she'd had to find new bridesmaids at the last minute.
Likewise, when Joan, who appeared in the Channel Four documentary My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, got in touch with my colleague Nic to share her story about how her life had turned out after the big, lavish wedding, we knew the newspapers and magazines would be interested. We were right.
Women just seem to love reading about weddings. Maybe it's the romantic streak in us... or maybe we just love looking at pictures of beautiful dresses and big, fancy cakes.

Forgiving and forgetting

In between buying fancy dress outfits, drinking too much and then tending to my hangover, an unpleasantly large chunk of my weekend was devoted to dealing with an ex-friend who has turned rather nasty.
I won’t go into the details here, mainly because just thinking about it puts me in danger of an anger-induced heart attack. But it got to me to thinking about how relationships (by which I mean friendships as much as relationships of the romantic kind) can break down in the most spectacular fashion.
Sometimes the reasons for those breakdowns are only too clear – and one or other of the parties involved is most definitely in the wrong (this always depends whose side you’re on of course).
But sometimes arguments can explode over the most trivial of matters. Ironically, sometimes the most ridiculous issues end up ruining a relationship forever, while I have spoken to women who have forgiven friends after the most terrible of betrayals (sleeping with their boyfriend being top of the list).
I suppose it depends on how strong the friendship was to begin with, and how understanding the individuals are able to be of human weaknesses. We all make mistakes after all... (not me, I was totally in the right)